What I've Been Watching: Robin Hood & Hot Tub Time Machine

Robin Hood

From the team that brought you Gladiator, comes Robin Hood, Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe's attempt to do for The Prince of Thieves what Batman Begins did for The Dark Knight.

The film has been marketed as 'The untold story of the man behind the legend'. The premise is that Robin has returned from the crusades to find King John on the throne, who's country is bankrupt after an ill-conceived campaign in the Middle East (As as side note, aren't you glad to see things have changed a lot in Britain since the 13th Century...?)

There's also a bit about Robin Hood impersonating one of the king's knights. However, the only purpose it seems to serve is that said knight was married to Maid Marion: cue lots of awkward exchanges as they have to pretend to like each other to everyone else, while trying to hide their true feelings from each other. Apparently Ridley Scott thought this twist on the Robin Hood tale made the whole thing worth watching. It doesn't.

It's dull. Really dull. And it has no reason to be. Everything about this movie is brilliantly executed. The actors are well chosen, it's funny when it needs to be, the attention to detail in the world is spot on. What they forget to do was actually make Robin Hood an interesting character.

Perhaps it's worth considering at this point what makes a good origin story. If we think about Batman Begins, Casino Royale or even Spiderman, a big part of what makes them interesting is seeing them grow and develop into the legends we know they'll become.

So it's fairly common in these types of stories to see them say and do things we would never expect Batman/James Bond/Spiderman to do later on in their lives. For example, letting a robber get away with stolen money in Spiderman or giving up the secret service for a woman in Casino Royale

In Robin Hood, when we meet the title character, it may as well be at anytime in his story. He stands up for what's right, speaks his mind and has no problem with questioning authority. He makes no mistakes in the entire movie, and not once does he make a decision we would ever think to question. It's all very noble. And very boring.

I came out of the movie very disappointed since I really wanted to like it. It's not that any of parts are shoddy in any way, it's just that when you arrange it all together it's just a Volkswagen - it should have been a Porsche.

Hot Tub Time Machine

It's rare that a movie can so aptly describe/sell itself with just its title. Taking a leaf out of Snakes on a Plane, Hot Tub Time Machine feels like a movie where someone came up with a title and then started putting all the pieces together. They must have spelt out '1980'.

There's a great sense that the creative forces behind the movie love the 80s without feeling the need to apologise for it. "The 80s was a sucky decade, but it was our sucky decade" to misquote one of the movie's lines.

Unfortunately the film is quite a mess. At one point, as the characters partake in some male bonding, Lou declares Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs? This is a film that is doing its utmost not to go down the sappy, we all learn a lesson story of Travolta and co's movie. Yet it seems to be inexplicably drawn to it at the same time.

Characters do learn lessons: about taking risks, about standing up for themselves, and about taking responsibility for their lives. And in between we get jokes about sex, drugs and the 80s. None of which are that funny or that memorable.

The plot also makes no sense. At the beginning of the movie, it's well established that all their lives suck. And they get away for the weekend together to try and forget that fact. They get to the past, and spend most of the movie making sure they change nothing so it can all be the same. Why?

Most of this movie is frustrating, because at its best it knows exactly how ridiculous the premise is, and pokes fun at it at various points. Snake on a Plane had a concept, knew it was crazy, but stuck with it. Hot Tub Time Machine had a concept, but then couldn't decide if it wanted to be a Judd Apatow movie or Wild Hogs. As it is, it was neither. A rude, crude movie with a pointlessly tacked on message where people solve all their problems by changing one thing about themselves. All in all it ends up feeling just like the 80s: best left forgotten.

Best Worst Movie? Troll 2 vs The Room

The crown of the "Worst Movie Ever" or "Best Worst Movie" is one no director should ever be proud to wear. However, there can be many benefits to achieving such cult status. Stars of the movies The Room and Troll 2 are treated like demi-gods by those who attend screenings for their movies.

This phenomenon was deemed interesting enough that Michael Stephenson, who plays the ten year-old Joshua in Troll 2, decided to make a documentary titled Best Worst Movie, regarding the fan base that has built up around Troll 2.

The Room, on the other hand, has elevated its writer, producer and star, Tommy Wiseau to the kind of cult status one normally only associates with Adam West or Bruce Campbell. Fans queue for hours to attend screenings where he's present: cheering every time his name comes on the screen in the opening credits.

Given the intense cult following for both these movies, I thought it'd be interesting to compare them. So without further ado, let battle commence:

The Room

I saw The Room in a packed midnight showing at The Cameo in Edinburgh. Literally 200+ people had come out, armed with plastic spoons, to cheer, chant and throw American footballs during the screening of a movie most seemed to have an intensely intimate knowledge of.

For example, in the film all the paintings in the apartment contain spoons. Anytime any of these paintings can be seen in the shot, movie-goers would shout "Spoons" as hundreds of plastic spoons would rain down upon the theatre.

Add to that, phrases such as "Who Are You?" when characters get randomly introduced then disposed of; cheering when the mother-in-law declares "she has cancer" then never mentions, or even alludes to, this again for the rest of the movie; and joining in with the ever-so-dramatically delivered line "You're tearing me apart Lisa!". This was a movie-going-experience like none I had ever experienced.

The movie itself is terrible, not so much in terms of its cinematography or even acting, but its dialogue and story. Characters come and go as they please; lines are repeated again and again ('He's your best friend'; 'You're about to get married', etc.); and a drug dealer appears for no apparent reason.

This is a movie that was clearly a labour of love for its director. It's like he's tried to put everything he's ever experienced in one movie, without actually considering how all the pieces will fit together. Kind of like what happens when you mix all your watercolours together in the hope of getting some new super-colour: It ends up looking like poo.

Despite all this there is a charm to the movie that's difficult to describe. It's easy to tell that Wiseau believes absolutely in what he's doing, and perhaps that's why the movie has built up such a following. Like Eddie the Eagle or Tim Henman, it's difficult to dislike someone who's obviously trying their best but just lacks the talent to succeed.

Troll 2

Don't be fooled by the title, Troll 2 has nothing to do with Trolls, its bad guys are actually goblins and never called 'trolls' at any point in the movie. Neither is it a sequel to the little known horror movie, Troll: In the sense that it contains none of the same characters, story or mythology as that movie.

Instead, the movie was thought to be such a stinker by its distributors, they hoped to capitalise on the modest success of Troll by pretending this was a sequel to it.

Troll 2 tells the story of a family's vacation to 'Nilbog' (Try spelling it backwards). There the locals seem strangely keen to make them eat the exclusively vegetarian cuisine. In another universe Troll 2 would have been created by the manufacturers of processed meat, as it does its best to discredit the healthy benefits of vegetables, instead choosing to promote the merits of a 'Double Decker Bologna Sandwich'.

The acting is possibly the worst you will ever see. Lines are learnt and executed with the type of delivery normally reserved for a child's Nativity Play. In one instance the mother's delivery felt so forced that by the time she gets to the end of her little speech, you'll feel like bursting into applause: she made it!

Also for a town intent on getting visitors to eat their food, you think they could make it a little more appetizing. Instead, it's all covered in this strange green goo that makes even the most innocent of foods look radioactive.

It's also worth noting that for goblins that can choose to take any form, it's surprising that would choose the types of faces one is used to seeing next to headlines such as "The Nation's Most Dangerous Sex Offenders".

Troll 2, like The Room is difficult to hate since it's just so ridiculous. Perhaps it's best summed up by its very own Grandma Seth: a slightly crazy, creepy but ultimately harmless film. And like Grandpa Seth, having died a death a long time ago, it's now come back: bigger stronger and with the inexplicable power to stop time at will.

Best Worst Movie?

So having reviewed both movies, one question remains: which is the best? Or worst? Or best worst? Well, horrible as The Room is, I still think the title can only belong to Troll 2. On some level, it is possible to see the narrative The Room was trying to create, and it at least knows how to create a dramatic ending. Troll 2, on the other hand, is just a big bunch of crazy. With little that gives any indication that anyone involved has ever seen a movie before.

It's often said Orson Welles recreated cinema by ripping up the rules on Citizen Kane. I think it's fair to say Troll 2 did this as well. It's perhaps no coincidence that both are two of the most unique movies ever made. And if anyone finds a finer Best Worst Movie than Troll 2 out there, I'll eat a goblin. Backwards.

As an added treat, here's possibly the best worst delivered line ever:

What I've Been Watching: DVD - Awaydays & American History X

Awaydays

Football Hooligan movies fill with me with a certain amount of dread. As a teacher I know the impact such films can have on young impressionable teens. Regardless of their attempts to show the consequences of such violence, there is still a level of style given to the riots between rival football fans that I feel filmmakers should take more responsibility for.

Awaydays does nothing to alleviate such fears. It features skinny teenagers taking on gangs of much older men and coming out with barely a scratch.

Despite this, it may not be the type of movie that would appeal to boys of that certain age. The story centres on the relationship between the main character, Catry, and Elvis. The latter appearing to have feelings that go beyond friendship towards the former.

The problem with the movie is not just that the characters are not particularly likeable, it's that they're also pretty difficult to sympathise with. Whether it's one trying to get the adrenaline rush of being in a brawl, another looking for the satisfaction of love that can never happen, or another trying to hold onto his youth by commanding a company of teens, I care little about their plight.

It's not that the film lacks ambition or has nothing to say. It's just that theyway the story is presented gives us little reason to care. Is this a story about the appeal and dangers of hooliganism? Is it about finding your place in the world? Is it about allowing other people to see the person you really are?

The problem then is not its stylishly shot scenes of hooliganism, neither its unsympathetic characters, but that Awayday's story lacks anything to hang onto - instead, it's as random and pointless as the violence it so readily depicts.


American History X

Another movie which readily depicts violence is American History X, a movie about the relationship between two brothers, the older of whom ends up in jail after a racially motivated attack.

Unlike Awaydays, however, this movie has no problems telling its story, even though it does so in a much more complicated, and hence interesting, manner.

Split between flashbacks in black and white, and the colourful world of the present day, both brothers are forced to face up to the actions that have got them to the place they are at now. The plot being propelled by the younger's assignment to write a paper about how the older one ended up doing time.

Where it excels in my opinion, is in its depiction of family. A family which, although dysfunctional, has little in common with The Tenenbaums nor The Simpsons.Instead they're a family broken apart by grief and resentment for an incident in their past.

Few movies manage to capture so well the many facets that make us who we are as a result of our upbringing and parental environment.

Yet as we dig deeper into what made Edward Norton's character become leader of a white supremacist group, we understand how such an intelligent youth could get it so badly wrong.

We also see how he becomes a father figure to his younger brother, and that Danny's need to follow in his footsteps can only have dire consequences for everyone involved.

Unlike in the world of procedurals like CSI and Without a Trace, the solving of a murder does little to bring closure to such a life-defining event and the consequences of seeing a loved one be killed will live with those closest to them forever.

There are many other aspects to American History X. However, upon first viewing this is the one that stuck out most. It could also be praised for its depiction of race relations, which felt incredibly refreshing - presenting few easy solutions to such a long-standing problem. Never mind Norton's outstanding performance, the narrative structure, the writing or the cinematography. Perhaps it's just best you see it for yourself...

My Totally Rad Show Moment

I've already mentioned on this blog that one of my favourite web shows is The Totally Rad Show. For those of you who don't know it's a show hosted by three self-confessed geeks who review movies, computer games, television, and comics.

For the past few months they've been asking for fans to submit lyrics to their intro, which normally features photoshopped versions of them in the plot of a movie.

Knowing they were going to review Iron Man this week, I thought I'd give it a shot, and so with the help of rhymezone I created the following and emailed it in:

Three rad men
In Afghanistan
Were captured and taken
To a secret den

They're forced to plan
Rad shows for Taliban
With Spidey's Uncle Ben
And an old modem

So they sneakily pen
Iron suits for men
That fly just like hens
And have an app - or ten!

Soaring free again
They become changed men
Vowing to spread zen
On the Totally Rad Show

Having received no reply to the email, I assumed nothing had come of it, but tuned in nevertheless in the vague hope my lyrics would appear. Upon hearing "Three Rad Men in Afghanistan" my heart almost stopped. And upon hearing the end of the lyric, I rewound to make sure I hadn't misheard. THOSE WERE MY LYRICS!

Anyway I've edited the show down to two minutes, so you can my moment of internet fame in all its glory. It includes the shout-out to me where they 'hilariously' forget my name, then once they remember it all say it in unison so the whole world can hear. Finally Jeff tells the viewers to 'Be Like Mark Davidson....". Sage advice indeed. I think I can die happy. :)

Films of Shame: Annie Hall

Films of Shame chronicles my impressions of movies I should have seen before now, but haven't. I've already taken Citizen Kane, The Shining and The Godfather Part II off my list. My final film on the list will be Taxi Driver.

Annie Hall holds a place in oscar history as the last comedy to win Best Picture at the academy awards. It's interesting to consider why. Perhaps one reason is that where as most comedies paint in broad strokes - with observations that hit home with as many people as possible, Woody Allen's film has an incredibly personal feel to it.

As Alvy breaks the fourth wall, and speaks directly to camera, it's difficult to tell where he ends and Woody Allen begins. In addition, the title character was also based on Diane Keaton, whose real name is Diane Hall, and nickname is 'Annie'.

This personal nature of the film fits incredibly snugly next to its theme of relationships - why we choose to put ourselves through the highs and lows of love despite our lack of success in the field to date.

The narrative structure is such that Annie Hall flits back and forth between the present day and the time the two lead characters met. In doing so we explore what works and what doesn't about their relationship. The little things that become bigger things later, the way the two of them want the other to change, without them losing what it is they were attracted to in the first place.

As Alvy narrates over his own movie, his own relationship, it mirrors our own ability to narrate our own lives, and in particular our own relationships. We often assume a certain moment meant this, or a certain phrase meant that, but we can never be sure precisely what this meant to the other person.

Annie Hall, unlike most comedies, has something to say. It captures the joy and humour of meeting someone you love, as well as the confusion and isolation of trying to make your two lives and personalities mesh together.

Alvy starts the movie with a line from Groucho Marx: "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.". By the end of the movie, we're left pondering what it is within us that gives us that desire to compromise, share, and love with another person. Why is it that, above so many other things, many of us seek the most?